The First Night
by The-KLF
Summary: He just can't go to sleep. (7x01 post-ep)


_A/N: I don't usually do post-eps the same week as the episode. This idea came to me after seeing a tweet from April (whose Twitter handle is 4x07). So, this is for her, with thanks to Jo and Lou for their extraordinary, unswerving support. I hope you enjoy it!_

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><p>"Come on, let's get into bed," he whispered into her hair. The barest nod was her only response as she shifted away from him and he watched her peel her dressing gown off before he followed suit. They drew back the covers, turned out the lights, and climbed in, Kate reaching for him so fast that he thought she didn't see the apprehension he was straining to keep off his face.<p>

Rick let her keep him close, one hand fisted in his t-shirt under her chin and her other hand reaching under the hem to find the skin of his back. He ran his hand over her hair, twirling the shorter strands through his fingers until he felt her soft tears cease and her breaths lengthen into the even cadence of sleep. He knew that sleep would be out of his reach tonight, and he envied her the peace she had found in his arms.

Ever since he'd seen her after waking up in that hospital bed, since it seemed like she'd stopped trusting him, he'd been pushing down any feelings of rejection. After all, she was still there by his side, showing up, as well as trying to figure out what had happened. But he had to keep bottling the hurt away, every tiny and insignificant gesture, her turn of phrase, the tone of voice she used – it felt like he'd been asleep for one night and the greatest thing in his life had turned on its head.

He clenched his jaw as the anger and frustration of the last day or two finally bubbled up to the surface. The loudest thought running through his head was that she didn't believe him. How could she not have believed the last thing he remembered was the SUV pulling alongside him and pushing his car into the ditch? She could be as impulsive as to throw herself into harm's way to get the dirty politician who killed her mom, but she couldn't get her mind around believing him when he told her he didn't know two months had passed? She believed it when he told her he wasn't guilty of murder, and now she won't?

_What the hell, Kate?_

The realisation that he was gripping her hair in his fist shook him, and he let go suddenly, panting in shock at the darkness of his thoughts. He looked down at his partner, still sleeping in oblivion. He needed to move, to pace, and lying still was suddenly no longer an option for him. Rick extricated himself from the bed, making sure Kate was still sleeping as he pulled the comforter back over her, before swiping his dressing gown from its resting place on the floor and padding out into the great room of the loft.

The moment he stepped into the space, he realised it had been a mistake. Not that he didn't need to calm down, but the further he walked from Kate - even from the bedroom to the kitchen - the emptier he felt. He wandered a circuitous route to the fridge, taking in the details of his loft that had changed since... the incident.

A book or three extra here, a shifted photo frame there, nothing of consequence in the every day. But each little change took his mood down a notch, further and further until he plonked down onto one of the stools and, with his hands in his lap, pressed his forehead to the cool kitchen counter. What more had changed in those missing two months? With his family, with his friends? Between him and Kate? If he went away on a two-month book tour and didn't see her, is this what he would come home to? Discord, and resentment?

His breaths became shallower and shallower as he let his mind run away with him. Every new possibility was worse than the last. His heart was racing, his muscles had turned to jelly, his eyes were squeezed tight, scrunched up against the tiny amount of light in the room.

He had no idea how long he sat in the throes of a panic attack; it could have been minutes, or hours, but it subsided eventually, and he remained immobile. He may have slept, or passed out from exhaustion, but without taking any notice of the world outside of his body there was no way of knowing. When Kate sat down beside him, however, the sweet curl of her scent tickling his nose and her knee nudging his began to bring him back to reality. Her voice was worn by sleep and croaky when she whispered to him.

"What're you doing out here, Castle?"

He huffed without sitting up, letting that be his only response. The silence stretched between them, never uncomfortable, but he knew she was thinking of what to say next, something to tempt him back to bed, to lie beside her again.

"Would it help if we got naked?"

He frowned against the countertop, confused by the statement. They had barely even kissed since he woke up, just some chaste hand-holding in the hospital, and hardly any of that either. He turned his head to the side to look at her, his gaze softening as she tipped her head to return his gaze with a neutral look on her face.

He shrugged.

She moved her hand up in plain view and reached across to stroke the fine hair at his temple and across his ear, paying particular attention to the lobe. His eyelids fluttered shut, the gentle, familiar sensation eliciting a contented sigh he didn't think he had in him. He moved his hand up to capture her palm between his thumb and fingers, cradling it as she continued her ministrations for another moment. After a little longer, he tugged her hand away and pulled it to his lips, placing tiny kisses across her knuckles.

"So..." he breathed across her hand. "Naked, you say?"

Even with his eyes shut, the way he made his eyebrows wiggle whenever he made a lascivious comment could make her laugh, and the tinkling sound of her quiet mirth brought the first smile to his face since the champagne over six hours before.

"Hmm, yeah. That kind of intimacy is meant to be good for rebuilding trust and reaffirming... connections," she replied matter-of-factly. He opened his eyes to catch the tiny smile he knew she would be trying to hide.

"I guess we could test the theory."

"Yeah?"

"Sure, why not?"

He let her help him sit up and together they shuffled back to the bedroom, undressed without ceremony, and repeated the same movements as earlier in the night, pulling the sheets back, climbing in, and repositioning the covers.

This time, however, Rick didn't hesitate before he pulled Kate into his arms, tangled their legs together, and held her body tight to his.

They slept.


End file.
